HollyKing's Journal

"Twas the night before Christmas, and down below decks
all the prisoners was sleepin', with chains 'round their necks.
A mutineer was hanged from the yardarm with care,
So's all of the others was sure to beware.
The crew was all nestled below in their bunks;
they slept just like babies, but smelled just like skunks!

The mate w' his cutlass, and me w' me gun
had just settled in for a long drink o' rum
when over the decks there arose such a clammer
I reached for me pistol, and thumbed back the hammer.
Away to the porthole I flew in a wink
I opened it wide, and then threw up me drink!

The moon to the west was the probable source
of the naggin' suspicion that we was off course
when what to me matey's one eye should appear
but eight flyin' goats and one old buccaneer!
I went fer me spyglass when first they appeared
and I knew in a minute, it must be WHITEBEARD!

More rapid than seagulls they flew fer me quarters
and he lashed them, and cursed them, and barked out these orders:
"Now Long Jack! Now Silver! Now Dutchman, and Flint!
On Barnacle! On Bluster! On Cable, and Quint!
To the top o' the mains'l, to the top o' the mast!
Now cast off that line! No, not that one! OH, BLAST!"

As ships that are pitchin' and driven by blizzard
When met with a hurricane, run through its gizzard,
so into the crow's nest his vessel did crash
with a blasphemous curse, and the crack of a lash!
And then, in a twinklin', I heard him aloft
as he climbed down the riggin', all stealthy, an' soft.

As I pulled in me head and went back in the gloom
down into the deck Whitebeard hit, with a BOOM!
He was blackened with powder burns, head down to boot,
and we hid 'neath me bunk as he searched for the loot.
A rusty old cutlass that hung by his side
made me very glad we'd decided to hide.

His eye, how it festered! His features, how salty!
He tripped and he fell, 'cause his vision was faulty.
His ratty white hair was tied back with a scarf
and the beard on his chin was so white, ye could barf!
The stump of his knee was held up by a peg
and how well I remembered - 'twas I took his leg!

He had a long, jagged scar, and a stomach gigantic
that rolled when he laughed like the great North Atlantic.
He was ugly, and fat - a right scurvy old elf
so's I stayed where I was, and threw up on meself!
For the look in his eye, and the tilt o' his head
soon gave me to know, that we might soon be dead!

He spoke not a word, but went straight to the hold
and he stole all the silver, and bagged up the gold
and lockin' the treasure up in a sea chest
went back up the riggin' into the crow's nest.

He boarded his craft, to his team gave a yell,
and away they all flew, just like bats out of Hell!
But I heard him proclaim, like a ghost from afar,
"I'll be back again next year, ye swabs: HAR, HAR, HAR-HAR!"